The Movie-Going Experience Today
11/30/2003: The experience of going to the movies sure has changed over the past few years. Sure, we're living in a superficial world, and hot actors/actresses are much more important than good acting, but that's not what this is about. This is about what goes on before and during the actual movie.
In the early days of movies, they used to play cartoons before each movie. Times have changed, and they only play cartoons before children's movies, which I can accept. Then, they started playing previews of other movies, and while this was bothersome, it was OK, as it was telling you what else was out there. Fair enough. Then, the two previews started to become three, then four, then five. I saw a movie a few weeks ago with SEVEN previews! It was almost a half hour before the movie actually started! Enough already!
In any case, times continue to change, and suddenly the previews aren't enough anymore. Now, they're showing commercials before the previews. They're not just "Let's All Go To The Lobby" commercials either. It's cell phones, cars, CDs, whatever people are trying to sell. It's getting insane. Are they going to start interrupting the movies with them too? (I'm sure they're working on that. Product placement in movies just isn't enough.)
The worst commercial, however is the same one that they've been running on TV lately on piracy. They actually aired this commercial in the theater, right before the previews. Sure, pirating movies is hurting the producers from making a few million dollars, but enough is enough. I've already paid to see THIS movie, so why the hell should I have to put up with hearing about how people shouldn't download movies from the internet? I didn't download this one, and I paid my admission, just like they wanted. Why can't they just leave people alone? Just to make things worse though, the commercials always feature someone like a lighting guy or a stuntman. They talk about how piracy hurts the little people who only make $15/hour holding a light or microphone over someone's head. Here's what they're not telling you though: These knuckleheads get paid by the hour! They don't see an extra dime if the movie makes any money. If the movie makes $200 million during it's opening weekend, the stuntman has already been paid. He's not losing anything. Now look, I'm not advocating piracy by any means, but don't lie to me about it. Be honest. Let Steven Spielberg do the commercial. He'll come out and say "Look everyone, if you download movies from the internet, I won't be able to buy another jet. I can't possibly live my life on the millions I already have." ... ... Is piracy wrong? Sure it is. Do I need to be lectured on it while I'm AT THE MOVIE THEATER? Absolutely not. End of story.
Besides the annoying commercials and previews, the rest of the movie going experience has been ruined by the people themselves. The self-important idiots who can't be bothered to just turn off their cell phones during the movie really drive me nuts. They're so worried that they might miss the President's call that they have to take every call that comes during the movie. I can't remember the last time I saw a movie where a phone didn't ring at least once. It's just sad.
Do you want my advice on how to see a movie, but still have a good time? Follow these two simple rules:
1. Arrive 15 minutes late to avoid the onslaught of ads.
2. Beat the crap out of anyone who talks during the movie.
If you follow these easy steps, you can be assured that you'll be able to kick back and enjoy the movie without incident. (That is, providing that the movie itself isn't terrible, but I'm not even going to begin to help you with that one.)
-Arthur Maggi II ( )
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